Codependency
Have you ever wondered if you’re in a codependent relationship? Do you have a desire to caretake, control, or put a big focus on someone’s needs ahead of your own? For a free self-assessment, fill out this questionnaire and contact me.
The concept of codependency has roots extending back to the 1940s. Contemporary interviews studying the phenomenon underscore the importance of problems in the family of origin that affect self-image in the formation and maintenance of codependency – and therefore recovery.
Here are some important aspects of this condition:
-
Focus on the other person – people in recovery often describe a painful tendency to put others first and at times, ‘feel their feelings,’ making it difficult to be true to their own needs
-
Deficits in the Family of Origin – emotional neglect/abuse in the family of origin cause adult obstacles to security and interdependence
-
Poor Self-Concept – the need to ‘earn’ love by giving or tailoring yourself to others versus feeling a sense of inherent worth and identity
-
Unhealthy Relationships – people in recovery may find unavailable or self-involved partners who are unable to truly invest in their relationship
-
Over-Responsibility – you may find that you take on problem-solving or fixing others problems as if they are your own
-
Self-Defeating patterns – do you undermine your own progress, feeling undeserving or unclear about having reasonable expectations of life?
-
Delayed Development – people who grew up in stressed or dysfunctional families may find that they start growing and becoming aware of who they really are much later in life – when they feel safer
-
Enmeshment – you may struggle to differentiate being autonomous and in a close relationship vs. counter-dependent or enmeshed with others
-
Difficult Emotions – low emotional presence or maturity in the family of origin makes identifying, expressing, and trusting emotions difficult
-
Compulsion/Loss of Control – when chaos in the family of origin makes controlling events important, you learn to become hyper-vigilant and hyperactive about tracking and trying to fix problems
-
Sense of Self – Many codependents describe feeling more ‘themselves’ outside of a relationship, as if identity distortions happen while getting close to others.
Caretaking too much? Call Melinda Douglass at (415) 215-4796.
I am a postdoctoral psych assistant (PSB 34300) to Dr. Gary Stolzoff, UCSF Clinical Professor (PSY 6841).
San Francisco Therapy - San Francisco Therapist - San Francisco Psychotherapy - San Francisco Psychotherapist
“Experience is the hardest kind of teacher. It gives you the test first, and the lesson afterward.” – Anonymous
