Freedom from Codependency
Self-Care & Relationships
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Ever wondered if you’re in a codependent relationship?
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Feeling empty inside?
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Do you sometimes desire to caretake, control, or put a big focus on someone else's needs ahead of your own?
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Relationship unfulfilling yet intense?
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Do you neglect personal needs to care for others?
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Do you have difficulty stating or maintaining boundaries?
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Are you experiencing a profound fear of being alone or rejected?
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Do you feel responsible for people's reactions?
"Experience is the hardest kind of teacher. It gives you the test first, and the lesson afterward.”
~ Anonymous
Codependency & Emotional Wellness
For a free self-assessment for codependency, fill out this questionnaire and contact me.
The concept of codependency has roots extending back to the 1940s and the formation of AA. Contemporary interviews studying the phenomenon underscore the importance of problems in the family of origin that affected self-image and contributed to the formation and maintenance of codependency. It is important to address these normal and necessary needs as part of recovery.
Common Concerns & Symptoms
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Focus on the other person – people in recovery often describe a painful tendency to put others first and at times, ‘feel their feelings,’ making it difficult to be true to their own needs
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Deficits in the Family of Origin – emotional neglect/abuse in the family of origin cause adult obstacles to security and interdependence
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Poor Self-Concept – the need to ‘earn’ love by giving or tailoring yourself to others versus feeling a sense of inherent worth and identity
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Unhealthy Relationships – people in recovery may find unavailable or self-involved partners who are unable to truly invest in their relationship
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Over-Responsibility – you may find that you take on problem-solving or fixing others problems as if they are your own
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Self-Defeating patterns – do you undermine your own progress, feeling undeserving or unclear about having reasonable expectations of life?
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Delayed Development – people who grew up in stressed or dysfunctional families may find that they start growing and becoming aware of who they really are much later in life – when they feel safer
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Enmeshment – you may struggle to differentiate being autonomous and in a close relationship vs. counter-dependent or enmeshed with others
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Difficult Emotions – low emotional presence or maturity in the family of origin makes identifying, expressing, and trusting emotions difficult
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Compulsion/Loss of Control – when chaos in the family of origin makes controlling events important, you learn to become hyper-vigilant and hyperactive about tracking and trying to fix problems
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Sense of Self – Many codependents describe feeling more ‘themselves’ outside of a relationship, as if identity distortions happen while getting close to others.
How Therapy Helps
The psychotherapy relationship can become a holding environment to resume development in parts of the self that were brushed past or forced to be responsible beyond what was possible for a young person (sometimes referred to as being a parentified child).
Identifying your feelings and the needs from which those feelings stem can unlock new branches of self-development. Sometimes this involves new interests, creativity, and reconnecting with a sense of childlike playfulness. Sometimes this involves responding to your own needs more fully or resourcefully. Sometimes what needs to grow is a capacity to identify and communicate healthy boundaries or to let yourself interdepend on people with whom you have created a trusting relationship.
Learning to tune in and listen to your own feelings becomes a new compass and ground from which to approach relationships with others.
Therapy can help you to:
- Rebuilding a distinct sense of self-identity
- Mastering effective communication tools
- Learning to regulate emotions independently
- Processing the origins of caretaking patterns
You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here - Max Ehrmann